Oh man. I’ve been avoiding this one. Ok, here it goes.
People always say be grateful for what you have because you never know when life can change in an instant. I am definitely a product of that quote and I certainly feel myself preaching it nowadays quite often. We are coming up on the beginning of June and I can’t believe it will soon mark 4 months since my husbands accident. We have absolutely come a very long way and I’m so proud watching my husband get up everyday, attempting to live life as normal as possible. The way he is adapting is extraordinary and he has this will unlike any other.
If you aren’t aware of what actually happened back in February, my husband was in a terrible motorcycle accident where he suffered catastrophic injuries. I won’t go into all of the medical nitty gritty and detail but I’ll tell you this. February 8th was one of those randomly beautiful 70 degree in the midst of winter days. Not a single cloud in the sky–it was the type of day where you find yourself acknowledging the fact of just how beautiful it is to be alive. You know…that put your arm out the window and feel the wind blow through your finger tips kind of day. The kind of day you take pictures like this with your iPhone:
About 10 minutes prior to this photo I had told Andrew I would see him later—I didn’t want to get on the motorcycle that day. I had a shoot and my motorcycle helmet was notorious for messing up my hair. And so we parted ways for a few hours, agreeing to meet back up for dinner after my shoot. I took this 2.5 hours before our lives changed forever. In an instant. The “Man it just feels so good to be alive” day suddenly switched to “Is my husband alive? Is he going to survive this?” I don’t remember much from the accident scene except that it wasn’t warm anymore. It was cold.
Nothing can prepare you for a moment like that. All you can do is dig deep. Deeper than ever before and find the strength. You find the strength to fight back crying for days upon days. You find the strength to go without sleep and still be smiling. When you are as lucky as I am to find your soulmate, there isn’t any limitation on the strength you have for them when they are weak. I never left the hospital to go home because home is so much more than a physical address. My home is where my soulmate is. And for a month it was Norfolk General Hospital.
The iPhone photos are not wonderful, but they are real.
Since we missed all of the snow at our home, I took one of our temporary one. I think this day I needed some air too. So it worked.
You have to keep your sense of humor. And the little things made us laugh despite a different spelling…”BYE Felicia!!” 😉
It has taken me this long to write about it on my blog for a few reasons. At first I was afraid. Afraid of what my clients might think. I didn’t want anyone to think I wouldn’t be as good at chasing my dream. Typing that out now I realize how silly that sounds. As it turns out my clients are in the same group as my friends and family: they’ve all been so understanding and supportive. They understand I’m still adjusting to our new life.
I was also waiting. “Waiting for what Kirstyn?” Waiting for life to ‘settle’ down some. Waiting for life to be a bit more normal. And if I’m being completely honest, waiting for more answers. To the when’s, the how much longers, the whys, etc. I’d ask myself, “How can I possibly write a blog post about something that is so incredibly complicated and complex?”
Then this morning at 5:20am, I found myself wide awake finally feeling like I needed to forget this idea of waiting. Life isn’t like it was before and that’s okay! I’ve decided to stop waiting for things to be normal and to just embrace who we are now at this stage in this journey we are on. And “our” normal is just different from everyone else’s. I believe that’s okay too. Here’s is how I will define our normal:
1. Slumber parties. For now I sleep on the couch next to the hospital bed downstairs. Leave it to my rockstar husband to host the longest slumber party ever. (Yes there are sometimes snacks at midnight)
2. Therapy every other day for two hours. Andrew loves his therapy. We know it will be a game changer and the key to a successful recovery. I drop him off and hit up Starbucks for a few while he does his thing. Sometimes I hit up the mall because it’s so much fun to be unsupervised in my natural habitat 🙂
3. A ton of doctors appointments. A lot of prescriptions–I’ve memorized them all. We have our grandparents looking like amateurs 🙂
4. No more nurses in the house. They send all the supplies now and I do it all. We have a little doctors office set up in our dining area and it’s pretty darn organized if I do say so myself. We’ve gotten so good at dressing changes, bone therapy sessions at night–I’d like to say it’s routine…and it sort of is. But we also look at it has a stepping stone on the way to recovery and it won’t always be this way. So we stay positive and get through it.
5. I still, on my own, run my full time beautiful business. Wedding Season is in FULL FORCE and I’m 100% super crazy busy and it’s a BLESSING! The thing about a crazy life changing accident happening is that you can’t prepare and so I’m working harder to adjust my sails accordingly.
6. International wedding photographer in 2 days. Enough said!!! Ahhh!!! Ok that’s not the normal…I’m just super stoked!
7. Hugs are so much more meaningful to me now. I hug WAY longer. Be prepared.
8. The one thing that has stayed constant and that I consider so very normal is that I remain 100% absolutely obsessed with my smoking hot husband. He’s a fighter and the strongest person I know. I see how he has grown as a person. I’ve seen how I’ve grown. And most importantly I see just how much we’ve grown. And if you are wondering: YES I probably get even more emotional for my brides on their wedding days. Love is everything and I live in it. It’s my favorite thing.
9. Now that Andrew can walk, we go for daily walks with Abbey dog. Sometimes we take 30 minutes or so and just sit in the sun. When you are stuck inside a hospital for so long, sunny days never get old for us.
10. We are okay. Yes some days are better than others. But we have each other and together, we have a whole lot of fight in us–I’m not worried.
I’m sorry that list went a little off track. Anyway…I can sit here and say that yes, I am, physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted a good amount of the time–but who cares? I’ve quickly learned first hand that our bodies and minds adapt. They are built to survive and see us through. I’ve become a bit of a snob towards the challenging days: I don’t like them and I tend not to humor them at all. In fact, on hard days I pretty much ignore them and do my best to see sunshine somehow. You have to because at the end of the day I KNOW, now more than ever, just how blessed I am. Thank you for taking the time to read this and for your patience, kindness, love and support through all of this. I can’t wait for what the future holds…I know it’s going to be fabulous.
My apologies on the lack of photos to go along with this post. Andrew and I both will be stepping in front of the camera once more very soon because we need to capture that amazing beard…and I love our pictures together…because that is honestly my favorite place to be…together. I love you Andrew Jordan and I’m sorry for taking pictures of you sleeping…and then posting them… :D!
PS For those of you asking about Andrew’s golf tournament, more information can be found here: https://www.facebook.com/events/1427578677555019/ or as always, feel free to e-mail me.